Jun 28 2013

Blogger versus offline

So I came across this fantastic blog post about how a
blogger personality and the real life person can be slightly different. This
feels very true to me. I decided to create a similar post. See the original by
clicking the image:

Follow the Ruels blog image

 

Blogger J Lenni Dorner wears professional outfits.

Offline J is in pajamas and doesn’t give a rat’s bottom about how you feel
about that. 
… 

Blogger J Lenni Dorner is willing to try a new recipe in the kitchen.

Offline J would rather get stabbed in the leg than have to go into the torture
chamber
kitchen again. Is a firm believer that ordering via phone or web is
just as good as cooking and should totally count as a “Look hon, I made
you dinner!” expression.

… 
Blogger J Lenni Dorner is planning to move to a new house soon and is very
upbeat about it.

Offline J is looking at the empty boxes that mom keeps dropping off and
wondering what the point of trying to pack before the new house is even picked
out might be. Also, where does one store those boxes- full or empty? And why
does my apartment look smaller as things get packed? And can I just hire
someone to pack all that I want and toss the rest– using mind powers to figure
out which is which?

… 
Blogger J Lenni Dorner is eager to make some new friends and has oodles of time
to devote to that process.

Offline J avoids people most days and is far to busy to spend the time one
should to create a real friendship, but really would like one. Why was it so
much easier to make friends in school? Oh right- because having someone to sit
with at lunch was a requirement. Without it, students got sent to the office
and parents were called. Even during the great flu season epidemic of 1993 when
there were more absent students and teachers than attending ones!
… 

Blogger J Lenni Dorner is very patient and good at resolving conflicts.

Offline J will just glare at people with the “you can’t seriously be that
stupid and still alive” look.
… 

Blogger J Lenni Dorner is politically correct as often as possible, even though
there are controversial topics in the Existence series. The debate days are
coming!

Offline J pretty much doesn’t care what other people do, so long as it does not
endanger others- and is getting a bit fed up with the people who think that
seeing two humans hold hands can be a type of mental abuse. (If you just
mentally pictured a certain type of two humans which freak you out, you’re in
the group. I didn’t say races, genders, sexual ordination, ages, or if they are
related. For all you know, I could mean the Donna Reed of mom’s and the Shirley
Temple of daughters. So ha.)

… 
Blogger J Lenni Dorner is seeking ways to better fit in.

Offline J has never fit in and is super proud of that fact. It didn’t make me
very well liked, and resulted in a few lectures from friends who were desperate
to be part of a crowd that wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire- but hey.
LOL. I wore bright blue nail polish on just two fingers (one on each hand,
never the same finger on either hand) back in 1991. It wasn’t acceptable. It
was not cool. BLUE!?! Only 2 nails? Polish AT ALL?! I was committing a huge
sin. Guess what? Go grab a fashion magazine from this month. You know what?
YOU’RE WELCOME.

… 
Blogger J Lenni Dorner wants to be positively compared to JD Salinger, Stephen
King, JK Rowling, and Stephanie Meyer.

 
Offline J says the hell with that, what I really want is for people to be
compared to me!

 

… 
Blogger J Lenni Dorner wants to understand why people call me “Lenni”
instead of “J” or even “Dorner” (do only guys call each
other by last names?).

Offline J regrets not picking a better name. Like JJ Lenni Dorner. Or JD Lenni.
Or JL Dorner. It seems that people are cool with calling one another by letter
names, so long as there are two letters, not one! Except on the show “One
Tree Hill” – where Peyton and Brooke would sometimes call each other P.
Sawyer and B. Davis… hmm… J. Dorner– also acceptable, other than that
there are at least three people named J. Dorner who I know! Ha. The other two
generally use their whole names though. Maybe I should have gone by
“Jay” instead of J. Phonetically the same, but this is the web, where
we speak in silence.

 

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