May 03 2014

The Writer’s Voice Bloghop Entry of 250 Words and My Query

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According to the email I received this morning, I made it in to “The Writer’s Voice” blogfest. The first 250 words of my manuscript, and general query, are posted below for that purpose.





Written by J. Lenni Dorner



To ask Jane Myers how she was doing was cruel and impractical today. This did not stop the two hundred thirty-fifth person in line from asking it though. Xavier watched as Jane’s lips, locked against each other as though there were a fine line of superglue hidden by her dark red lipstick, inclined at the edges just enough to raise her cheeks. The forced partial smile could not reach her bloodshot eyes. He knew that this response was the best that she could do, and watched as she did it again as the two hundred thirty-sixth person in line embraced her and whispered, “Hey Jane, how are you doing?”


The procession continued. Xavier was the two hundred thirty-seventh person in the line of people giving condolences. His left hand cupped Jane’s face. His thumb wiped away the tear that landed on her cheek. She had been able to maintain her brave face until he touched her. No human could restrain tears around Xavier. Another tear landed on his thumb. She grabbed on to his arm. Jane’s lips parted, but whatever words she planned to say seemed to have gotten lost.


“You don’t need to say the words, Jane. I already know.”


Another tear escaped from her eye and rolled onto his hand. In his mind, as clear as if the memory were his own, he saw Jane’s husband and son sitting at the dinner table cracking jokes. They were both buttering rolls, each holding the knife the exact same way.




To prevent the Eyes in the Shadows from ending life on Earth, Xavier must find his missing mate and reunite her with their kind, for apart they are too weak to prevail. Xavier must stop trying to prevent Gwendolyn from exposure to the painful truth, he must let her make her own choices; Gwendolyn must want to decide her own path in life, and actively pursue it, rather than cowering.

Confidence, in self and others, is important– even for omnipotent-like beings.

Fractions of Existence features the affluent young NYC professional, Xavier, and the devout California wallflower, Gwendolyn. The romantic element in this novel stems from Xavier and Gwendolyn’s relationship, which grows from meeting in an online multiplayer gaming environment (where they go by the handles Monoghan and Candra). As book one in a speculative fiction planned series, Fractions of Existence is an urban fantasy, with a touch of horror, which has 99,000 words intent on leaving readers asking, “What are they?”


J grew up in Pennsylvania on the original lands of the Lenni-Lenape tribe. The idea for this story is original, but the characters are based on a rarely shared legend, which the Grandfathers have passed down for thousands of years. J was a Penn State Honors and Scholars student majoring in English and Communication, and a Pennsylvania Governor’s School for Creative Writing Semi-Finalist. The author has been published (under pseudonyms) in several anthologies, a small press magazine, and the Philadelphia Inquirer.



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    • Copil on May 3, 2014 at 6:39 AM

    Good luck in the contest!

    1. Thank you. Are you in it too?

  1. Best of luck in the contest!!!! 😀
    A. K. Fotinos-Hoyer has this post to share The Writer’s Voice — SAVING SNOW (YA Lite Sci-Fi FTR)My Profile

    1. Thank you so much. 🙂

    • Susan J. Bickford on May 3, 2014 at 11:24 AM

    Love the title! Good Luck!
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    1. Thanks. 🙂

  2. Nice! You’ve got some strong descriptions in that opening paragraph. Best of luck in the contest !
    Katrina S. Forest has this post to share Writer’s Voice 2014 Entry: My Best Friend Runs VenusMy Profile
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    1. Thank you very much. I hope they are enough!

  3. Good luck in the contest!
    Annette T. Dodd has this post to share The Writer’s Voice 2014My Profile
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    1. Thank you. 🙂

    • Emmalee Aple on May 5, 2014 at 9:24 AM

    Good Luck in the contest!

    1. Thank you. 🙂

    • Sarah Floyd on May 5, 2014 at 8:00 PM

    This is very intriguing! Interesting how the lines between gaming and reality blur, and the long standing connection between X and G is romantic and mysterious. I’m already asking, “What are they?”

    The line in your query about the Grandfathers is a great hook. A rarely shared legend? I want to know more! : ) secret.

    Best wishes!
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    1. Thank you for your kind and detailed comment. 🙂 It means a great deal to me.
      I know several couples who met or “started out dating” via a virtual game world. It’s a very real dating area, with very few books. So there’s certainly an audience. I mention it in the query because I submitted to someone who rejected me, citing that the “love interest” didn’t appear in the early pages of the book. “She didn’t?” I asked myself. Ohhh… my beta readers were all also gamers! They figured out that Candra was going to turn out to be Gwendolyn (Wend). So I put that line BACK in the query to avoid future rejection from non-gamer agents and publishers who might not draw a conclusion the way a gamer would.

      Funny that you called them “X” and “G” — Xavier is sort of an X rated fellow with a very adult life. Gwendolyn is most certainly G rated. (Well… she is when we first meet her.)

      The Grandfathers is what other tribes called the Lenni Lenape. My people were the peace keepers, story tellers, and wisdom spreaders. Some of our ways even made it in to the Constitution and Bill of Rights. (The first capital of the US was Philadelphia, which is on original Lenni Lenape land.)

      I hope you get to know more! It all comes down to the books being published. Fingers crossed! Until there, there are hints all over the blog. (A to Z challenges are full of them! There’s also the video, which is also the flash intro to my website.)

      I’m glad you enjoyed. Thank you very much for your kind words and for stopping in today.

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