Dark Places WEPFF
*Trigger warning: Horror. Violence and gore ahead!
Blind Date Goes Dark
By J Lenni Dorner
‘Twas the night of the blind date, when all through our dorm
Every student was partying, as was the norm.
Some neckties now hung on doorknobs with ease,
As a request to all for privacy, please.
My roommate has nestled into a sweater of red;
Visions of dancing and kissing play in her head.
I tighten my ‘kerchief, bought at the Gap;
I wish I could skip this, and instead take a nap!
When out in the hall we hear hoots and hollers,
Might these be our gentlemen callers?
Straight to the door my roommate flies like a flash,
It opens, and I shutter, ready to throw-up on my sash.
My date is the beast that once left me to die,
As we’re introduced, I ask God, “Oh why?”
When blinking my eyes won’t make him disappear,
But wait! I do wonder, what have I now to fear?
With a kind Uber driver so lively and quick,
I knew in mere moments I’d play a mean trick.
More vengeful than tigers, more clever than chimps,
Let him whistle and shout, let them all get a glimpse.
“So nice to meet you. Can we be alone, Ted?”
Oh yes, my time’s come, and I’ll mess with his head.
We go for a stroll, and climb the high wall!
Now pushing him off, wouldn’t that just beat all?
Watching him fall would not be enough,
He needs to learn to not play so rough.
To the haunted house atop the hill we do hike;
With a house full of weapons, that’s where I’ll strike!
My eyes must be twinkling, as I hear him say,
“Are you sure you want to go into there, Mae?”
Turning my head, my flashlight flicks off,
“Join me inside. I swear it’ll payoff.”
I undress as I walk, from shirt to my feet,
leaving only the ‘kerchief as I head to a sheet;
A pentagram and candles left by some hack,
Makes a cover story that Ted died by magic that’s black.
His eyes — how they widen! His neck, how it bleeds!
The pin in my hair once again meets my needs!
Drool drips from his mouth as I fill in the blanks,
“You killed Maureen Fisher. This is my thanks.”
I pick up a pipe and bash in his teeth,
And by only moonlight, de-finger this beast;
I smash his feet like his face, then start on his belly.
I shake with a laugh; his last meal was p.b. and jelly.
Next, I move on to his chubby, the one he used to destroy
a sacred part of the Maureen-me with his evil ploy.
Removing his eyes and burning his head,
I’m so glad to know that he’s finally dead.
He’ll speak no more words, this foul, lying, jerk,
And harm no more girls; thanks to my work.
I shove what remains of a fist up in his rear-end,
Hopefully like that, for all eternity he’ll spend.
Then I spring into scrubbing until all’s clean as a whistle,
And re-dress in my clothing, once I’m free of his gristle.
Now I can exclaim, on this blind date night —
“Vengeful Death found a villain; he died in great fright!”
Word Count 554 : FCA
Published last month: