November Prompt: Truth
A few truths from this month. Some of which will show up in the goal post tomorrow.
- I spent the beginning of October planning to do NaNoWriMo with a certain story. Then I thought I’d work on another story. And THEN I started reading a book (Story Genius by Lisa Cron) which gave me an idea for a different book! Except it was super hard to write before making a character sheet. I kept picturing the story happening to potatoes. Not even Mr. Potatohead, just… regular old russets hoping around having emotions and doing things. Which is as bad as you might be imagining, and worse if you aren’t grabbing your head and begging for it to stop. So then I ended up working on two stories in tandem to get to my goal. But guess what? Nailed it. So there we are.
- We tried to do another Pass or Pages at Operation Awesome. But only one of the fifteen agents contacted replied. Which is just freaking weird. It’s like all the agents went on holiday. I mean, I guess they might have. Which brings me to my next truth.
- Thanksgiving. I made a post about it. This is one of those holidays I wasn’t aware for the first years of my life. And when I did become aware of it, the holiday didn’t go well. Especially in my brief public school experience. “Hey, since you’re an in-jen, we get to take your food.” Which went “so well” both because A) I have little to no tolerance for people who are clearly aware that this land is not India, and ought to know that it was never actually mistaken for India, so there’s no reason to call us Indians other than to make yourself look uninformed and B) I was labeled a problem child/ disruption because I was willing to fight for my sandwich, and yes, I did value my peanut butter and jelly over a bully’s nose, and NO, I actually was NOT sorry for defending my right to food and survival. All these years later, I’m still resentful of the misuse of what an apology is that I was meant to learn from that lesson, because I do not believe one should offer a “sorry” when one does not mean it. You don’t have to like that truth. I’m sure it’s not going to win me any fans, which is why I shouldn’t share it. But that guy runs a car dealership now, and every time I see an ad for it I wonder how much he rips people off just because he can. After all, he learned that he can take from those who have less and the higher powers will stand up for his right to do so if he meets resistance. And I learned to offer a sorry even when I feel like I’m owed one rather than ought to give one.
- Despite those flashback feelings, Snookums and I put together a little Thanksgiving meal this year. (No, I didn’t cook. Yes, that means everyone lived. Haha.) Because we’ve been taking care of our niece, as her dad is still… “missing.” (Abducted, kidnapped, stolen… I have even stronger feelings on this matter, but I’m holding my tongue. Why? Because one second-generation American citizen being… “missing” is enough for this family. I own a mirror. Thousands of years of ancestors below my feet are not enough if they decide to make me “missing” too. I’m not delusional enough to believe otherwise.) So Snookums and I had a nice, oversized meal for us, our niece, and our sister-in-law. We won’t mention it to my bio parents when next we see them.
- I still really want to publish a book this year.
- I am SO BEHIND on my reading. #Guilt
- AND I’m behind on my blog commenting.
- I know I’m behind because of the changing family dynamic, a sickness that ran through here not long ago, and a general feeling of utter exhaustion that has been like an extra cart full of stones hitched to my backside. But I don’t like that I haven’t been able to stay on top of everything. I know it’s a mathematical rationality that there are still only 24 hours in the day, and since additional hours cannot be granted, something must be cut in order to make time for something else. And that’s why we have priorities. It’s the things that I didn’t decide should be a priority (someone getting sick), but then have to become one (because it’s not like I’m monster who is going to let a sick family member suffer so I can read a damn book) because that’s how life works, those are what get me. Because I can’t regret the choice, but do feel responsible for the outcome. And I can blame someone, a high-ranked person who made a choice that has directly impacted my life. But, other than sitting here and fantasizing about drowning that person in the tears his choice has caused, there really isn’t anything more I can do to fix it. Accepting that is the hardest truth of all to swallow. I don’t feel very wise right now. Anger, pain, defeatist attitude — these are obstructions in the path to wisdom. And the TRUTH is that I am failing to overcome those obstacles right now.